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Saturday, 27 December 2014 08:18

How Do You Define Love?

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Question:

I have a friend who is very spiritual.  We were talking about love and relationships and he said that if he is interested in someone or loves someone and if this person does not love him back, he does not love this person anymore either.  I am surprised about his point of view.  What do you think about this?

Answer:

I want to answer this question on different levels.

If we only love people

 

on condition that they love us back, that is not true love.  When you add conditions to a relationship, it is an exchange and not necessarily based on Love.

It sounds to me like your friend is looking for approval from others because he does not get approval from himself - he does not love himself.  If he does not get immediate approval from others, they do not provide what he values namely approval from other people.  He then terminates the relationship and keeps searching approval from the next person. 

If your friend ends the relationship because the other person does not deliver the goods (namely approval of your friend), then your friend also saves face.  He can then say that he was not rejected, but walked away.  In this way he can continue to feel that he is in charge of the situation.

I would suspect that the one thing your friend needs to learn from all these relationships or friendships that he walks away from is that self-love does not come from other people, but from yourself.

Your friend will keep searching for someone who "loves him back", and keep missing the point that nobody can "love him back" unless he loves himself in the first place.

Only when your friend has made that discovery and accepts himself as he is, will he find a person that he can love, regardless of whether they love him or not.  He will then discover that many different people love him for who he is, because he himself loves him for who he is.  Only when that inner division is healed, will your friend discover that somebody special "loves him back" and reflects his inner healing.

It is possible to have a spiritual awareness, in other words awareness that we are spirit and much more than our bodies, and still have a lot to learn.  Being spiritual is about being willing to learn, and not about being better or at a higher level than others.

 

To read more about dealing with relationship issues:

Click here if you are in the UK.

Click here if you are outside the UK.

 

 

Read 889 times Last modified on Saturday, 17 January 2015 17:32
Elsabe Smit

Elsabe Smit is a well-known author, clairvoyant, and public speaker.

Elsabe helps people to understand the mysteries of life and Love, so that they can regain control of their lives. What would you like to resolve?

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