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Sunday, 22 February 2015 15:23

My Mother Is Having An Affair

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Question:

I am in my late teens.  A year ago I was at the airport with my mum, having just arrived from a long flight into this country.  My dad was not with us, because he could not get a visa.

At the airport I used my mum’s phone to send a text, when a text came in for her.  I opened her text and saw it was all about love, but not from my dad – from her college professor!  I did not say anything but I was shocked.  I thought that that was the end of it because he was still in our home country where my dad also was.

A few days later I heard her speak to him over the phone and realized he had also moved and was living close to me and my mum.  I heard them arrange to meet, but she never said anything about it.

I know they are meeting regularly, and I know my dad knows nothing about this.  Even if my dad does know, he cannot do anything because he still does not have a visa.

What shocks me most is that want my mum does is against our culture and religion, but it seems like she does not care. 

I don’t know what to do about this.

Answer:

I understand your concern.  It is difficult to believe that a marriage is meant to last forever, only to discover that people change and that relationships - even marriages - do not necessarily last forever. This is especially the case when a person's culture and religion creates the expectation that a marriage must be happy and ever-lasting at all costs.

The best you can do is not to judge your mother.  I understand that you feel loyal towards your father, but in my experience a person has an affair long after the marriage has broken down anyway. Your father also has a 50% share in this marriage, and if their relationship has broken down, he is as responsible for that as your mother is.  This may be difficult for you to accept.

If you talk to your mother about this like an adult, you will probably discover that she has lots of confused emotions and that she does not quite know what she wants.  Because of religious and cultural constraints, she may feel that she cannot end her marriage, and that she has no option other than to seek love in the way she does.

You are at the beginning of your own adult life.  You will discover that life is not as simple as you want to believe, and that people do things that make no sense to you, but that is the way we all live and learn.  

Rather than judge your parents, you may want to observe how they both deal with the situation, and then decide what you feel is right for you.  And even once you have made that decision, you may change your decision later on when you gain some life experience.

Whatever happens, remember your mother and father both love you and want the best for you. Stay away from blaming either or assuming one of them is right and the other is wrong.

To read more about dealing with relationship issues:

Click here if you are in the UK.

 

 Click here if you are outside the UK.

Read 1314 times Last modified on Sunday, 22 February 2015 15:35
Elsabe Smit

Elsabe Smit is a well-known author, clairvoyant, and public speaker.

Elsabe helps people to understand the mysteries of life and Love, so that they can regain control of their lives. What would you like to resolve?

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