My mother won’t let go of me and it is driving me crazy.
I am 21 years old and was not even allowed to arrange a birthday party for myself – not that it would have been a big party, because I only have one friend. My younger brother has already left home to study, but my mother refused me that opportunity. Instead she expects me to stay home and do all the cooking and cleaning. My mom seems to be afraid of so many things and wants me to take care of her all the time.
I recently got a job, and my mother makes a scene every time I leave for work, but I refuse to give up the job. At the same time she expects me to use my money to pay the household bills, even though she has her own well-paid job.
I have decided to leave home and move into a small flat. I don’t know how to tell my mother this without having a confrontation, because I don’t know how she will treat my younger sister when I leave home. I love my mother, but Iwant to have my own life and make my own rules. I want to go out with friends and study and travel.
How do I get away from all this?
It sounds like your mother is quite insecure and does not want to let you go because she does not believe that she can cope on her own.
You are quite entitled to make your own decisions now that you are an adult, and your mother has no legal right to hold you back. I also understand that you are concerned about any reaction she may have when you tell her you want to leave.
I am not in a position to recommend resources in your country, but would suggest that you contact an organization such as the Samaritans (also in the Resources chapter) and explain your problem to them. They will know about local resources that can help your mother cope with her fears and issues.
Once she is better, you will be in a better position to leave and not worry about her remaining behind.
You do not need to live your mother's life, and it is time for you to spread your own wings. If you do not act now, you will start to doubt your ability to live your own life, and that will not be good for you.