Sunday, 11 October 2015 09:24

My Dad Is Not Coping with Being a Widower

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My mom passed away nine years ago when I was ten years old.  I feel I have dealt with it, but I don’t think my dad has.



He has quite a stressful job, and comes home shouting at me and my sister for the tiniest things.  This has been getting worse over the past year or so.  I would not say he is abusive – I can see that when he raises his voice something stops him and he actually feels embarrassed without us saying anything. 


He has not dated since my mom passed away, and I think he feels the loss even more when he does not have a partner to talk things through with.  His stress is affecting everyone in the house.


I am also worried about his physical health since he has started drinking quite a lot.  I wouldn’t say he is an alcoholic, but I am worried that it will get worse.


I want to go to university soon, but I can see that he wouldn’t cope without me, and I don’t want my little sister to take over from me and spend her life caring for him.


How do I get my dad to agree to family counselling?  I feel that would have a better chance than me asking him to go for personal counselling – he has his pride


Let me start off by saying that you have a remarkable attitude and wisdom for your age.  You are a lovely lady and your dad should be proud of who you are and what you do, and especially for how much you care about him.

I have to say that you are right - your dad needs counselling.  However, when you develop habits over years, those habits become your reality.  His habits have become his reality and if you ask him to go for counselling, he will make out a very good case why he does not need it.

The solution is for you to find a counsellor that you can trust, and that you think your dad will get on with.  And here is where you have to become a bit of an actress - you will have to convince your dad that you are not coping emotionally, and that is why you want to go for counselling.  

You need to make him understand that you are the ‘victim’ and that he needs to help you get back on track again.  I would not normally encourage people to bend the truth, but you are mature enough to do this, and it will convince him that he needs to see the counsellor so that he can help you.  That will be the first step towards you helping him without him even realizing it.

You may want to discuss this with your GP or a church minister and get advice on where to search for the best counsellor.

Good luck and blessings to you.

Read 1822 times Last modified on Tuesday, 07 February 2017 09:17
Elsabe Smit

Elsabe Smit is a well-known author, clairvoyant, and public speaker.

Elsabe helps people to understand the mysteries of life and Love, so that they can regain control of their lives. What would you like to resolve?

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