Saturday, 20 February 2016 14:04

Pregnancy and Mothers Cause Stress

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I am due to have a baby in the next few weeks.  I have everything ready for the baby for the first few months, and my mother has also contributed a lot.


Currently my boyfriend and I live in the attic of his parents’ house.   We don’t have much privacy.  We have planned this and agreed to move into our own place two months from now.  This is not the best time to move, because my boyfriend recently got arrested for drunk driving.  As a result he now has to pay court fees and other fines and I have only now discovered how much debt he has on his credit card.  I also have some, but I have a firm plan to pay it off within the next five months.


My mother is now nagging for us to move out at the end of this month, and says she will help us with a deposit.  She has calculated that with my maternity benefits and my boyfriend’s salary we should be OK for a few months. My boyfriend’s mother, on the other hand, wants us to stay here for another six months and first pay off our debts.


Both my mother and my boyfriend’s mother are telling me all the time how I should raise my baby - and this is even before the baby is born!


Now my boyfriend says I am selfish because I insist that we ignore both our mothers and stick to the plan we agreed to.  He says I am not thinking about the baby, when in fact he is the one who made stupid decisions.  I am the one who has been saving and buying things for the baby.


I feel stuck in the middle, and I am being treated as if I have no opinion of my own.  How do I get control of my situation?




You are indeed in a position where it would be easy to feel that you are not in control.

Having a baby is a life-changing experience and that is enough to cope with already.

Moving house is one of the three most stressful things that can happen to any person, and that is added to the stress of the pregnancy.

Just with the baby and the decision to move into your own place you have enough stress.

On top of that there are too many people in this relationship.  Any decisions that you and your boyfriend make should be a decision that the two of you talked through until you get to the point where you are both comfortable with your decision, and where neither of you feel that you want to re-think or change the decision.

It is quite understandable that your mother and his mother want to help you make the decision.

However, they can only advise, and then they both have to step back and respect your privacy and the fact that they cannot make decisions about your life.  You can listen to their advice, but then it is for you and your boyfriend to discuss everything and to make a decision that the two of you feel comfortable with.

If you tell the mothers that you appreciate their advice but you would rather make their own decision, they will probably both feel hurt, but they will get over it and realize that you are adults and you need to make your own decisions and stay with those decisions.

It is important for both the mothers to be involved with the baby, but this has to be on your terms - you and your boyfriend have the primary responsibility for the baby.  You will just have to be firm with both the mothers on the same terms.  Whatever you do, place your relationship first, because you and your boyfriend will need each other's support long after you have moved in together into your own place and become parents.

Read 1778 times Last modified on Tuesday, 07 February 2017 09:08
Elsabe Smit

Elsabe Smit is a well-known author, clairvoyant, and public speaker.

Elsabe helps people to understand the mysteries of life and Love, so that they can regain control of their lives. What would you like to resolve?

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