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Tuesday, 31 December 2013 07:13

Why Can't My Parents Let Go?

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Why Can't My Parents Let Go? Why Can't My Parents Let Go? Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I am a 28-year-old university student and still living with my parents.  They still expect me to be home at a certain time.  I chose the university because my dad refused to support me financially if I moved into a dorm at a university of my choice.  My dad even wanted me to share a car pool with his friends, but I refused and am taking the bus because it gives me a little freedom even though it is inconvenient.

I have got a good job and with my studies I am hardly ever at home.  My parents are always complaining because

they don't see enough of me.

I have wanted to move out before, but every time there was a huge argument with my parents and I stayed to keep the peace.  I dread to even broach the subject with them, because it always results in arguments and tears.

My boyfriend and I have decided to move in with his mother.  All my friends agree that it is time for me to make the move.

How do I tell my parents that I am moving out without getting them angry again?   I don't want to leave on bad terms.

Answer:

It is not easy at the best of times to let go of a child, and some parents find it even more difficult to accept that their child is no longer a child.

You cannot change the way your parents feel about you moving out, because they choose how they feel.

You can change how you view their reaction to your choices.

When you raise the subject, your parents choose to be angry rather than supportive.  You then choose to feel guilty rather than remain objective.

Why do your parents insist on you staying with them?  What are they afraid of?  If they fear that they will never see you again, then tell them how often you will call them or visit them.  And once you have moved out, keep your word, even if it is inconvenient for you.

If they need your physical support because of health issues, find an alternative and get it in place before you move out.

It might even be that they are no longer getting on with each other, and that their relationship depends on another person (like you) being present to cover this up.  If that is the case, it is not your responsibility to be the solution - it is theirs to find the solution.

Find out what their biggest fear is relating to you moving out, and help them find a way to deal with that.  But remember that the fear is theirs, not yours.  You do not need to feel guilty about wanting to get on with your life.

You can continue to argue with them about this, or you can be firm and loving and listen to them without getting sucked into their emotions.  If they choose to be angry with you, just continue to love them and remain calm.  At some point they will choose to love you back.

To read more about dealing with relationship issues:

Click here if you are in the UK.

Click here if you are outside the UK.

Read 1703 times Last modified on Tuesday, 07 February 2017 09:11
Elsabe Smit

Elsabe Smit is a well-known author, clairvoyant, and public speaker.

Elsabe helps people to understand the mysteries of life and Love, so that they can regain control of their lives. What would you like to resolve?

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