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Love and Relationships

Love and Relationships (41)

Sunday, 14 June 2015 17:22

Am I A Bad Parent?

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Question:

My daughter is three years old and very thin.  Whenever people discover her age and see how petite she is, they tell me I should feed her better.  I feel awkward taking her out, because I hear the same question every time.

I have taken her to a number of doctors, and they all say she is tiny but fine and there is nothing to worry about.

What am I doing wrong?  I am losing my confidence as a parent.

 

Sunday, 07 June 2015 15:24

I Need To Move Away From My Parents

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Question:

I am 23 years old and have lived with my parents all my life.  When I started going to college, I had no say, and I am still living with them.

My parents are immigrants and both speak passable English and have jobs.  They give me no freedom.  When I was in college, my mother wanted copies of my time tables and class rosters.  If I was more than 15 minutes late home from class, I would get hysterical voicemail messages and an earful when I got home, with accusations and demands to know what I was up to.

A few years ago I went on a few dates.  I lied to my parents about having extra classes at college, because I knew they would not understand.

My parents tell me all the time how they do things pout of love for me, but they make such a fuss of all my ‘transgressions’ that they only succeed in making me feel unworthy.  They want me to still be a little girl who stays home all the time and look after them, not having a life of my own. 

They always have a reason to find something I could have done better.  I have good grades and a good part-time job, but no social life and no friends. 

My sister lived at home until she was 25, and then moved out when she got married.  Whenever I even hint at moving out, she tells me how selfish I am, and my parents get all emotional and tell me how they need me and that they have always hoped that I would look after them when they are old.

I really want to live my own life in my own space.  I feel smothered and less like an adult every day.   I want to take care of my parents, but I don’t want to sacrifice my entire life doing so.  How do I move out without hurting their feelings and feeling guilty?  I know it will not be easy for me initially to live on my own, but I cannot be unhappier than I am now.

 

Sunday, 31 May 2015 11:11

How Do I Save My Daughter's Marriage?

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Question:

I have a beautiful 26-year-old daughter who is an Ayuverda physician.  Two years ago we married her to a dentist in another city.  She had to move in with her husband’s family.  Her mother-in-law abused her emotionally because of religious issues, and because my daughter earns a living and enjoys her work.  My daughter never told me of any of her problems with her in-laws. 

Two months ago she decided to move back to my house.  I was shocked to see the state my child was in.  She told me she was never going to move back in with her husband or with his family. 

I have told my son-in-law that the only solution is for him and my daughter to move out and have their own place.  However, he does not want to do that, because his parents rely completely on his care.   He never speaks up for my daughter, because he does not want to offend his mother.   He is also not supportive of my daughter furthering her studies, because he has decided to start a family and wants her to give up her work.

Since my daughter has moved back in with me and my husband, she has been studying to complete her medical examinations.

I am so worried by this situation that I cannot think of anything else. 

My daughter understands that she could lose her husband and ruin her life, because it is highly unlikely to find a good match for a divorced woman.

I don’t want to live with the shame of seeing her divorced.  I know she will be happy and successful in her career, but what good is that when she does not have a partner? 

 

What could I possibly do to save my daughter’s marriage and her happiness? I blame myself for marrying her into such an uncaring family.

Monday, 25 May 2015 18:04

I Might As Well Have No Parents

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Question:

I have to tell you the story of my life so that you can understand my current situation.

My mother was fifteen when I was born.  Shortly after that my dad broke up with her.  My mom told me later that my dad was abusive towards both of us, but I cannot remember anything about that. 

We then went to live with my grandmother, who told me lots of stories and always smelt warm and lovely.  My mom had a nice boyfriend who always played with me and took me to the park.

Then my grandmother died in an accident.  My mom and her boyfriend started to argue (I was four at the time) and she tried to kill herself twice.  She was already drinking heavily and was declared an unfit mother.

I then had to live with my dad and his wife (between my parents I have lived in about 15 countries over the past 17 years).  They are both alcoholics and unpleasant people at the best of times.  My dad used to beat me whenever I spoke about my mom.  His wife did stuff to me and when I tried to complain to my dad, he accused me of making up stories and trying to take his wife away from him – when all I wanted was for her to leave me alone.

My dad told me if I complained about her or him, welfare workers will take their time and investigate everything before taking me away, and that while they do their investigation, he would make my life hell.

I moved back in with my mom when I was 11, and even as a child I was shocked at the state she was in.  She is anorexic and depressed and self-mutilates.  She never sleeps – instead she would wake up, drink too much, and pass out, only to wake up and start drinking again.  She tells me just about every day that she wants to kill herself.  I have spent the past six years talking her out of it almost daily and I am tired.

 

It got to a point where I started drinking with her, because if I did not she would blame me for who she is and tell me that I am looking down on her.

Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:29

My Dad Freaks Me Out

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Question:

I am 16 and have just made a shocking discovery.  Last week I was sick and decided to stay home for the day.  My dad went to work and later on I felt a bit better and got bored.  I decided to clean my room and change my sheets.  I then decided to wash the sheets on my dad’s bed as well.  That is when I discovered my dirty panties and a used sanitary napkin inside his pillowcase.

I did not want him to know that I know so I put everything back.  I don’t know what to do!

My dad and I have been on our own since my mom just upped and left a few years ago with her boyfriend.  She sends me a birthday card every year and does not even bother to phone.  I can’t phone her because I don’t have a phone number, and I so want to speak to her.  I hate her and I think she is a total bitch. 

I so want my dad to meet a nice lady but he has not even dated since my mom left.  I don’t want my dad to get arrested and taken away.  I don’t have any living grandparents or any other family. 

 

Saturday, 09 May 2015 14:08

Too Many Babies And A Teenager

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Question:

I am 43 years old and have been married for 25 years.   We have three daughters.  The eldest two are both married and pregnant.  The youngest is 16 and getting ready for college.  We have been very happy with our lovely family.

Over the past two years my periods have been receding.  I thought I was approaching menopause, and my husband and I stopped using birth control.  We are still having sex a few times a month.  Over the past few weeks I have been feeling really unwell.  The doctor confirmed yesterday that I am fourteen weeks pregnant.

As you can imagine this has been quite a shock to all of us.  We have discussed it and of course for me and my husband there is only one option – to have the baby.  My older daughters were surprised but they have accepted it.

However, my teenage daughter is very upset by it all.  She does not want to speak to us, and stays out all day and as late as she can.  She did say that the baby will ruin her future, but then she ran away and now she does not even look at me or my husband.

How do I help my teenage daughter accept the situation?

 

Monday, 04 May 2015 11:27

How Do I Escape From My Mother?

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Question:

My mother won’t let go of me and it is driving me crazy.

I am 21 years old and was not even allowed to arrange a birthday party for myself – not that it would have been a big party, because I only have one friend.  My younger brother has already left home to study, but my mother refused me that opportunity.  Instead she expects me to stay home and do all the cooking and cleaning.  My mom seems to be afraid of so many things and wants me to take care of her all the time.

I recently got a job, and my mother makes a scene every time I leave for work, but I refuse to give up the job.  At the same time she expects me to use my money to pay the household bills, even though she has her own well-paid job. 

I have decided to leave home and move into a small flat.  I don’t know how to tell my mother this without having a confrontation, because I don’t know how she will treat my younger sister when I leave home.  I love my mother, but Iwant to have my own life and make my own rules.  I want to go out with friends and study and travel.  

How do I get away from all this?

Sunday, 19 April 2015 10:29

Should I Stay Or Go?

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Question:

My relationship has been going nowhere for the past few months.  

My partner and I have been going through rough times for various reasons, but we are not really talking to each other. 

Should I stay or go?

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