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Love and Relationships

Love and Relationships (41)

Saturday, 28 February 2015 14:51

Smoking And A Young Husband

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Question:

I'm supposed to get married in a few weeks and I'm so stressed out I don't know where to start.
I am struggling to give up smoking before the wedding.  My fiancé knows I am a smoker and he does not smoke, but thinks it is very romantic for me to smoke.  I desperately want to give up smoking because I don’t want him to start and I don’t want to be seen as a bad influence on him.  I have tried everything to give up, and it has left me angry instead of happy.

My fiancé is 24 and I'm 48.  We met over a year ago on a Christian dating site.  I wasn't looking for a younger man but he was looking for an older woman and we just connected from the beginning.  I did not even want to sign up for the dating website but some friends talked me into it.  My husband died in an accident over ten years ago.  I thought that I would never get a chance at such happiness again, but this is working so well.

My fiancé has been saving himself for marriage.  Our Christian faith is important to both of us.  I've only had sex with my late husband and never again after he passed.  I am concerned that our first experience will not meet with his expectations, and if it does, what about the second time?

Sunday, 22 February 2015 15:23

My Mother Is Having An Affair

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Question:

I am in my late teens.  A year ago I was at the airport with my mum, having just arrived from a long flight into this country.  My dad was not with us, because he could not get a visa.

At the airport I used my mum’s phone to send a text, when a text came in for her.  I opened her text and saw it was all about love, but not from my dad – from her college professor!  I did not say anything but I was shocked.  I thought that that was the end of it because he was still in our home country where my dad also was.

A few days later I heard her speak to him over the phone and realized he had also moved and was living close to me and my mum.  I heard them arrange to meet, but she never said anything about it.

I know they are meeting regularly, and I know my dad knows nothing about this.  Even if my dad does know, he cannot do anything because he still does not have a visa.

What shocks me most is that want my mum does is against our culture and religion, but it seems like she does not care. 

I don’t know what to do about this.

Sunday, 15 February 2015 15:10

How Do I Manage My Girlfriend's Stress?

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Question:

My girlfriend stresses all the time about her finances and her grades at university.  She is very intelligent – and this shows in the grades she gets.  She is also good with money and as a result financially secure with her income.

However, no matter what I do, she disagrees.  I have quoted her grades to her, and I have worked out her budget to prove her financial situation to her, but all she said was that I am trying to prove her stupid.

How do I get her to stop stressing over nothing?

 

Saturday, 07 February 2015 15:16

How Do I Deal With A Messy Boyfriend?

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Question:

I am not sure whether I am stressed out.

I have been with my boyfriend for three years now and we have a two-year-old son. 

My problem is that I have too much to do.  My boyfriend and I both work full-time.  When we get home, I have to cook and clean and attend to my son.  It feels like I just cannot stay ahead with the cleaning and stuff.  I am tired, my son nags and all I can do is shouting at him.

My boyfriend will occasionally bath my son when he is not too tired from work.  He is very messy and does not clean up after himself, making even more work for me. 

I have no time to just relax, and would love to go to the gym again, because I enjoy it, but then there is nobody to look after my son.

I am seriously thinking of leaving my boyfriend, because at least then I only need to look after my son and myself. 

Do you have any advice for me?

 

Saturday, 31 January 2015 16:58

My Long-Distance Relationship Is Failing

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Question:

I met this incredible girl when I was in college, and I really care deeply about her.  It is a second relationship for both of us.  Her first relationship was long-distance.  He started cheating on her after a few months, and she had no idea about it.  She even went to visit him and as far as she was concerned they were very happy.  He then dumped her just after her birthday. 

I knew her at the time but our relationship only started a while after hers ended.  We were very happy initially, but then I finished my studies.  Because of finances I had to move back home, and this means I am only able to visit her every two months. I am now saving money so that we can move in together soon.  We do communicate regularly with IM, video and phone, but it is not the same.  I feel I am losing out because I cannot see her face or hear her voice, and that causes misunderstandings that turn out to be quite hurtful for both of us. 

She still has her studies and she works two jobs to earn some money.  She comes home late at night when her family is already asleep, and she has nobody to talk to.

I am very concerned that she is more and more depressed, and on top of that she is turning into a nasty piece of work - even her friends complain about her behavior.

 

I really want to help and support her as much as I can, but I feel like I am walking on eggs every time I speak to her.  In this way her stress is getting to me.  She is now playing this game where she is blaming me for not knowing what is wrong with her, and also not telling me anything – she shuts me out and I feel she is destroying all the closeness we had.

Sunday, 25 January 2015 14:17

My Boyfriend is Crowding Me

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Question:

My boyfriend is 23 and gets panic attacks during the night a few times a week.  He has been for medical tests but the doctors cannot find anything wrong.  He does not have much of an appetite.

He also asks so many questions – whenever I tell him something, he wants to know the smallest details.  Even when I do answer his questions, he just comes back with more and more.

 I feel like the longer we are together, the worse it gets.  I am not sure how much longer I can cope with this.  He has mentioned that he doesn’t want to lose me but I am starting to feel smothered. How do I deal with this?

Saturday, 17 January 2015 16:29

I Am In Love With My Boss

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Question:

I am a medical doctor.  I report to another doctor who completed his studies a year before I completed mine.   While we were studying, he was allocated to be my mentor during his final year.  He criticized me a lot (and still does), but it helps me to improve and I didn’t mind. 

Since I have finished my studies I have been working with him on the same team in the hospital and we often put in long hours together.  He once said in a social conversation with colleagues that he has not found a female doctor who is his type, and that he would rather not date another doctor.   I know he is involved with an architect.

 

My problem is that I have feelings for him, and I find it more and more difficult to hide my feelings when I work with him.  How can I control my feelings when I am in his presence?

Saturday, 10 January 2015 16:52

I Am Losing My Boyfriend to Work Stress

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Question:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years now.  Our relationship was the best ever because we can talk about anything – even the stuff we have different views on.  He loves to surprise me with little gifts and I always feel better after telling him when something bothers me. 

About three months ago things changed for him at work, and I can see he is really stressed out.  He does not talk to me about work, and he has gained weight.  We don’t have sex anymore because he does not feel comfortable being with me while he is so stressed.  He has also developed a temper and I can see that this bothers him as well.

He assures me he is still totally committed to me, but I feel I am losing him.  What can I do to help him?

 

Friday, 02 January 2015 11:49

What If I Lose My Secret Love?

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Question:

I feel like I need to make a choice and I am scared because I don’t know what the outcome will be.  I may destroy everything I have.

I have had a very stressful life, but I am finally at peace with myself and I can now say I love myself – after much hard work.

I have met a man who is beautiful in every way.  I love him dearly, warts and all, and would love to be his wife and have his child one day.  I have known him for two years now.
I have two young children.  My daughter is aware of him, but my son knows nothing about him.  I have always kept him separate from my family, and he has never shown any interest in them.  Not even my closest friends know about him.  However, we love each other to bits and spend time together when we choose and enjoy every minute of it.

I have recently been fantasizing about living with him and having his child.  I don’t know how to discuss this with him, because I am afraid of losing him altogether.  What if he doesn’t want any changes?  What if I lose him altogether?

 What should I do?

Saturday, 27 December 2014 08:18

How Do You Define Love?

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Question:

I have a friend who is very spiritual.  We were talking about love and relationships and he said that if he is interested in someone or loves someone and if this person does not love him back, he does not love this person anymore either.  I am surprised about his point of view.  What do you think about this?

Answer:

I want to answer this question on different levels.

If we only love people

 

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