Sunday, 04 October 2015 12:30

I Would Rather Kill Myself Than Ask For Help

Written by 
Rate this item
(0 votes)



I am old enough to have grandchildren and crying out for help, but nobody is listening.

My mother had a learning disability and was raped by my father, and as a result I was born.  My mother wanted nothing to do with me, and I was put in the care of my paternal grandmother.  She was a violent woman, addicted to alcohol and drugs.  She committed suicide when I was a teenager and made sure that I had to watch her doing it.

 I married my husband when I was 19 and had two lovely daughters and a very ill disabled son.  I took care of my son until he died at the age of six, but my husband would not have anything to do with my son.  My husband went off with another woman and that really hurt me.

 At the time my eldest daughter had just completed school, and she is a bright child.  There was no money for her to study after my husband had left, and she could not go and study.  She has only spoken to me in the most aggressive way you can imagine for the past twelve years, and goes out of her way to avoid me.

 I was very alone after losing my husband, son and daughter one after the other, and worked very hard to keep myself and my second daughter alive.

 Then I met a lovely man on a Christian dating website.  He lived in another country, but we got on so well that he finally asked me to come and live with him.  He paid for everything for me and my daughter to relocate.  At first we were happy, but then his business ran into trouble and he became abusive.  He blamed me for losing his business, even though I probably worked harder than him to keep it running.

 He told me last week to move out and find another job.  My daughter said she cannot help me and I have to find a job.  I have no qualifications and don’t want to look into anyone’s eyes – I would rather kill myself.

 I have no other family and I need some hope for the future.


My heart goes out to you, and I have to tell you that you are a brave woman.  You may not believe that right now, but look back at your life and see how much you have in fact dealt with and you are still alive and on your feet.

I will share with you one very valuable lesson that I have learnt in my life, and that relates to asking for help.  I have also been in rough patches in my life and felt very alone.  At the time I also had pride and refused to ask for help or to allow other people to help me.  It took a while for me to realize that we all have a purpose on this earth, and that our purpose always involves other people as well.

During times when things went well with me, I helped others and it made me feel good.  When things went bad, I did not ask for help because of pride.  One day I realized that helping other give meaning to my life.  I then also realized that when I need help, I should not hide behind pride and hesitate to ask for that help.

I have been following a spiritual path (not religious) and realized that when I refuse to ask for help, I deny another person the opportunity to help me and to grow and become a better person from that.  I realized that I was becoming more mature because I put my pride aside, and those that helped me became more mature because they had the opportunity to help someone and fulfil their life purpose.

Of course there are always people who just need a little bit of help so that they can get their life back on track again.  What if you are one of those that actually have access to people who can and want to help you, and you deny them that opportunity while shooting yourself in the foot?

Of course not everyone can be helped - like this man who abused you and then blamed you for his business decisions.  Don't take on his burden - you did not run his business and make his decisions on his behalf.

You are never alone in this world.  Take your doctor's advice and go to the government or the church (or both) and say that you need help.  When you do that, you will not only get closer to a solution, but you will also give meaning to the life of another person who wants to help.

About your angry daughter - the best you can do is love her.  Whenever you think of her, don't think in terms of blame or hurt or any other emotion.  Remind yourself of times when you and she got on well together and experienced joy together, and think loving thoughts about her.  You do not even need to be in her presence.  Your thoughts will reach her, and over time she will be unable to resist that love you consistently send to her.

Another really important thing you have to do, no matter how crazy it sounds, is laugh out loud for a few minutes in the morning.  Laughing raises your energy level and releases chemicals in your brain that makes you feel positive.  This has a chain reaction, in that when you feel more positive, you see more opportunities and you attract more people to you.  If you cannot watch funny comics on TV that will make you laugh, then fake it - just start giggling and continue until you have a belly laugh and your face feels sore from laughing.  Then notice how you feel.  I have read about people recovering from serious illness and all sorts of life crises just by forcing themselves to laugh every day.

I cannot tell you to not consider suicide - that is entirely your choice.  However, I can ask you to start laughing out loud whenever those thoughts come into your mind, and don't stop until the thoughts are gone.

You are still young enough to train for something - I can say that because I am a few years older than you and at the moment preparing for a career change.  We are too old to learn new tricks when we are in our graves.  You are an intelligent woman going through a rough patch, and considering what you have already gone through, learning new skills will be a walk in the park.  Maybe go to a local high school and ask the career guidance teacher for advice on where to start.  If you need to train with young people, it will NOT be embarrassing - it will be interesting and you will learn much faster than them because you have much more experience than you think.

And remember you are never alone - your Creator is always looking after you, even in the darkest times.  Ask your angels to help you and show you the way, and grab every opportunity that comes your way without questioning or saying you are not good enough.  You are good enough - believe me.

Read 1655 times Last modified on Tuesday, 07 February 2017 09:17
Elsabe Smit

Elsabe Smit is a well-known author, clairvoyant, and public speaker.

Elsabe helps people to understand the mysteries of life and Love, so that they can regain control of their lives. What would you like to resolve?

K2Store Currency

£ R $

Latest Reviews

  • Fraser Hay
    Elsabe is an incredibly "rich" individual who possesses an amazing depth of life experience, offering…
  • Virgo, Berkshire
    HI, WOWI asked Elsabe about work, and when i would find it. Without any words…
Go to top