Do swine eat pearls? Of course, I am asking the metaphysical question. If you want solid proof, please don’t feed your own pearls to real pigs. Rather search the internet – if someone has ever tried it, Dr Google will have a record of it.
Sometimes one must ask questions such as these, just to get some sanity and a reality check on a situation.
I have over the past year had to reassess quite a few close relationships in my life. I will give you a brief outline, but you will have to believe me when I say that these events shook my world and made me reassess many things that I had taken for granted all my life.
The first event related to an online friendship that turned real and then into a disappointment – I in fact became an online mistress, and then realised that I had been exactly that for at least five years while I was telling myself that I was simply nurturing a beautiful friendship. The only way for me to put an end to it, was to walk away and no longer respond. I still cherish some of the most beautiful memories you can imagine, but the experience made me question my own judgement.
Of course, when it comes to friends and lovers, we all at times question our own judgement and we all at times are very wrong about people. Why do we have these experiences – especially when we are good people? I will get to that later.
The second event related to my best friend finally succumbing to a self-destroying addiction and the unbearable heartache of watching this happen over years and being totally powerless to do anything about it. My mother was not a joy to behold at the best of times – she made it clear that she hated me from my first memories. With this woman I had a second mother and best friend, and it was one of the most meaningful relationships I ever had – and she became family from the moment she married into my family.
Her daughter also became a very good and valued friend, but then committed fraud. All this came to light after the death of my friend, and the poor woman was vilified by people who should know not to judge, and who had seen her true nature for years but still judged her when she could no longer defend herself.
For me, family is very important, and I had to walk away from an entire family that I took on as my own over many years. I trusted people that were not worthy of my trust, and I loved people who turned out not to care about me at all.
But still, I chose to let these people into my heart and into my life, because I saw the good in them. I was wrong with some of them, but I chose to walk away from all of them. Why leave the opportunity to have your nose rubbed into what was immensely hurtful by remaining friends with some while avoiding others? It was not pleasant.
As if all this was not enough, an inheritance was involved. There is an old saying that an inheritance brings your background to the foreground. Believe me, that is true.
So – you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family, they say. I am afraid I now have to disagree.
When you reach out to a friend for years with regular contact, simply asking how they are and remembering their birthdays, and you get nothing in return, something is wrong. If that friend does not even reciprocate by asking once in twenty years out of their own how you are, something is wrong. If that friend makes it clear in many ways that you are not relevant in their world, and even ask you why you keep contact with them, something is wrong. Why would you even try and nurture a friendship in such circumstances? You would have to be very needy and emotionally disturbed to keep trying to remain in contact.
But for family, you would do it – or at least I did. Then, suddenly, when an inheritance was involved, I was the source of communication, the peacemaker, the middleman who had to fight fires on all sides, and the one who got blamed for what was not of my doing. I continued to reach out, because this was family, and family look after each other, no matter what.
Then a major family event – which required a gift from me – was communicated to me by text, because the value of the expected gift was obviously less than the value of the inheritance which warranted more phone calls to me in six months than in the previous thirty years. That finally opened my eyes.
Swine can and do eat pearls.
It is right and good to love and cherish relationships – both with friends, lovers and family – and it is good to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, when they finally chew you up and spit you out, then you walk away, do introspection and take the wisdom from the experience. You don’t hang around and delude yourself into believing that things will get better.
For me the wisdom from these experiences is that even unconditional kindness is not always reciprocated. The human experience is conditional. Over the years friends have become family, and family have distanced themselves because even having a simple friendship was asking too much. Some people live according to their beliefs and values, and others have never heard of the universal law of “say what you do and do what you say”. Some people will grow and become inclusive, and other will remain judgmental and petty until the day they die.
I cannot change people. I cannot change the way they view their world. It does not matter whether these people are family or friends. That is how it is. Where a situation becomes unbearably painful because what you believe and what the world – and the players on the stage of the world – show you are in such conflict, for me the only solution is to walk away with love.
Will I now stop loving people and stop giving them the benefit of the doubt? Probably not – I don’t believe my nature will change overnight – just like the nature of the people I leave behind will not change. That is how it is. Will I allow the people who abused my kindness and treated me like dirt to enter my world again? Of course. I have no desire to wish ill on anyone. However, I will not reach out and look for more hurt and trouble. If I encounter them in the street or on social occasions, I will treat them with the courtesy that most people deserve. I will not try to change them. I will simply move on and continue to live my life according to what I value and what makes sense to me.
You cannot fix a broken plate, and I will no longer pretend that it is possible to ignore the cracks in the plate. I can choose my friends, and on the same basis I can choose my family. I will not burn in hell, but I will rather continue with my eternal journey – just like they will, and I am grateful to all of them for being powerful teachers of powerful truths to me.
We are all here to fulfil contracts with our loved ones – contracts that we entered before we reincarnated. I have fulfilled my contracts with more people than I care to be reminded of over the past year, and it is time to take that wisdom and start a new cycle in my life, making space for new energy, new friends, new experiences. Namaste.