I am due to have a baby in the next few weeks. I have everything ready for the baby for the first few months, and my mother has also contributed a lot.
Currently my boyfriend and I live in the attic of his parents’ house. We don’t have much privacy. We have planned this and agreed to move into our own place two months from now. This is not the best time to move, because my boyfriend recently got arrested for drunk driving. As a result he now has to pay court fees and other fines and I have only now discovered how much debt he has on his credit card. I also have some, but I have a firm plan to pay it off within the next five months.
My mother is now nagging for us to move out at the end of this month, and says she will help us with a deposit. She has calculated that with my maternity benefits and my boyfriend’s salary we should be OK for a few months. My boyfriend’s mother, on the other hand, wants us to stay here for another six months and first pay off our debts.
Both my mother and my boyfriend’s mother are telling me all the time how I should raise my baby - and this is even before the baby is born!
Now my boyfriend says I am selfish because I insist that we ignore both our mothers and stick to the plan we agreed to. He says I am not thinking about the baby, when in fact he is the one who made stupid decisions. I am the one who has been saving and buying things for the baby.
I feel stuck in the middle, and I am being treated as if I have no opinion of my own. How do I get control of my situation?
Every person is a gift. Don’t blame children for the legal safeguards of society.
I am always fascinated by the rules around succession to a throne and how monarchs exclude their children that were born of some women, but include the children that were born to them of other women. I get upset when children are described as 'illegitimate' – as if God made a mistake with that child.
And not too long ago – in the youth of our grandparents – children that were born to unmarried parents were as a rule given away for adoption. Some of those children never even found out that they were adopted, or finding this out was a very painful experience to them, because it reflected the 'shame' of their births.