Hating another person is not a solution to anything. Finding a more practical means of resolving a problem is much more useful.
I love my mother but I feel she does not love me. She has always expected me to agree with her and do as I get told, or else she would physically attack me.
I now spend most of my time at boarding school where I have to work very hard to keep up. I come home feeling exhausted and just want to relax and catch a breath. However, everything ends up in a fight with my mother – and I mean a physical fight where I have to defend myself and watch out so that I don’t hurt her.
For example, today I accidentally stepped on her foot – I did not see her standing right behind me. I apologized, but she started screaming at me and grabbed my hair, and then started hitting me. I first started screaming as well, but I then started laughing to try and defuse the situation and also to restrain myself.
I have noticed that whenever I go home for a weekend, my hands start to shake. How can I deal with my mother without fighting and hating her?
We cannot change the choices our parents make. We can only love them for what they teach us.
I have recently turned 20 and moved out of my parents’ home because I could not stand staying there any longer.
My parents are always fighting about money, but I can see how they cause their own money troubles. My dad has been unemployed for a long time and he smokes weed to relieve his stress. He can come up with the craziest things, and then gets frustrated and embarrassed, which makes it very difficult to speak to him.
My mom has a job that she hates, and she drinks two bottles of wine every night to deal with her stress. I work as a waiter and I have seen people sharing a bottle of wine and having a good time. I can see my mother does not have a good time – she drinks because she does not want to face her problems. When I try to talk to her, she says it is her money and she will do as she pleases.
My sisters dose themselves with prescription drugs and drink and smoke weed. I think they have also already tried crystal meth. I have tried to talk to them but they say if our parents can do it, why can’t they?
I don’t want you to think I am judging them. I have experimented with drugs and weed, but one day I had an experience where I felt God was reaching out to me and I just knew this was not what I wanted in my life. Now I will only take medication if the doctor prescribed it and there is no other way.
Even though I no longer live at home, I am really stressed about my family. Despite everything I love them and I know I can’t change them, but I want the best for them.
Can you help me?
Some people thrive on stressing about everything. Rather than reassure them, tell them you respect their choice to stress but there are other choices available.
To read more about dealing with relationship issues:
My girlfriend stresses all the time about her finances and her grades at university. She is very intelligent – and this shows in the grades she gets. She is also good with money and as a result financially secure with her income.
However, no matter what I do, she disagrees. I have quoted her grades to her, and I have worked out her budget to prove her financial situation to her, but all she said was that I am trying to prove her stupid.
How do I get her to stop stressing over nothing?