Hating another person is not a solution to anything. Finding a more practical means of resolving a problem is much more useful.
I love my mother but I feel she does not love me. She has always expected me to agree with her and do as I get told, or else she would physically attack me.
I now spend most of my time at boarding school where I have to work very hard to keep up. I come home feeling exhausted and just want to relax and catch a breath. However, everything ends up in a fight with my mother – and I mean a physical fight where I have to defend myself and watch out so that I don’t hurt her.
For example, today I accidentally stepped on her foot – I did not see her standing right behind me. I apologized, but she started screaming at me and grabbed my hair, and then started hitting me. I first started screaming as well, but I then started laughing to try and defuse the situation and also to restrain myself.
I have noticed that whenever I go home for a weekend, my hands start to shake. How can I deal with my mother without fighting and hating her?
I met this incredible girl when I was in college, and I really care deeply about her. It is a second relationship for both of us. Her first relationship was long-distance. He started cheating on her after a few months, and she had no idea about it. She even went to visit him and as far as she was concerned they were very happy. He then dumped her just after her birthday.
I knew her at the time but our relationship only started a while after hers ended. We were very happy initially, but then I finished my studies. Because of finances I had to move back home, and this means I am only able to visit her every two months. I am now saving money so that we can move in together soon. We do communicate regularly with IM, video and phone, but it is not the same. I feel I am losing out because I cannot see her face or hear her voice, and that causes misunderstandings that turn out to be quite hurtful for both of us.
She still has her studies and she works two jobs to earn some money. She comes home late at night when her family is already asleep, and she has nobody to talk to.
I am very concerned that she is more and more depressed, and on top of that she is turning into a nasty piece of work - even her friends complain about her behavior.
I really want to help and support her as much as I can, but I feel like I am walking on eggs every time I speak to her. In this way her stress is getting to me. She is now playing this game where she is blaming me for not knowing what is wrong with her, and also not telling me anything – she shuts me out and I feel she is destroying all the closeness we had.
Step 1: Breathe deeply and relax. Count your blessings.
Step 2: Do not take it personally, but take it very personally.
Step 3: Celebrate the next cycle of your life
I can hear you saying "There are bills to be paid. There is an ego that needs massaging. How will I cope until I can find another job during a time of recession? And she says I should relax and celebrate?"
Yes, I am serious about my advice, which comes from first-hand experience.