Hating another person is not a solution to anything. Finding a more practical means of resolving a problem is much more useful.
How you use your own sexuality is your choice. How you use the sexuality of others is abuse.
I love my mother but I feel she does not love me. She has always expected me to agree with her and do as I get told, or else she would physically attack me.
I now spend most of my time at boarding school where I have to work very hard to keep up. I come home feeling exhausted and just want to relax and catch a breath. However, everything ends up in a fight with my mother – and I mean a physical fight where I have to defend myself and watch out so that I don’t hurt her.
For example, today I accidentally stepped on her foot – I did not see her standing right behind me. I apologized, but she started screaming at me and grabbed my hair, and then started hitting me. I first started screaming as well, but I then started laughing to try and defuse the situation and also to restrain myself.
I have noticed that whenever I go home for a weekend, my hands start to shake. How can I deal with my mother without fighting and hating her?
Some children are skinny. Love them for who they are and ignore other people's comments.
I have to tell you the story of my life so that you can understand my current situation.
My mother was fifteen when I was born. Shortly after that my dad broke up with her. My mom told me later that my dad was abusive towards both of us, but I cannot remember anything about that.
We then went to live with my grandmother, who told me lots of stories and always smelt warm and lovely. My mom had a nice boyfriend who always played with me and took me to the park.
Then my grandmother died in an accident. My mom and her boyfriend started to argue (I was four at the time) and she tried to kill herself twice. She was already drinking heavily and was declared an unfit mother.
I then had to live with my dad and his wife (between my parents I have lived in about 15 countries over the past 17 years). They are both alcoholics and unpleasant people at the best of times. My dad used to beat me whenever I spoke about my mom. His wife did stuff to me and when I tried to complain to my dad, he accused me of making up stories and trying to take his wife away from him – when all I wanted was for her to leave me alone.
My dad told me if I complained about her or him, welfare workers will take their time and investigate everything before taking me away, and that while they do their investigation, he would make my life hell.
I moved back in with my mom when I was 11, and even as a child I was shocked at the state she was in. She is anorexic and depressed and self-mutilates. She never sleeps – instead she would wake up, drink too much, and pass out, only to wake up and start drinking again. She tells me just about every day that she wants to kill herself. I have spent the past six years talking her out of it almost daily and I am tired.
It got to a point where I started drinking with her, because if I did not she would blame me for who she is and tell me that I am looking down on her.
My boyfriend is 23 and gets panic attacks during the night a few times a week. He has been for medical tests but the doctors cannot find anything wrong. He does not have much of an appetite.
He also asks so many questions – whenever I tell him something, he wants to know the smallest details. Even when I do answer his questions, he just comes back with more and more.
I feel like the longer we are together, the worse it gets. I am not sure how much longer I can cope with this. He has mentioned that he doesn’t want to lose me but I am starting to feel smothered. How do I deal with this?